---
title: "Therapy for Setting Boundaries Online in California | Sharon Meyers, LCSW"
description: "Online therapy in California for people who find boundaries unbearable to set. Understand why they feel aggressive, tell them from ultimatums, and hold them under pressure."
lang: en
json-ld: |
  {
    "@context": "https://schema.org",
    "@type": "ProfessionalService",
    "@id": "https://sharonmeyerstherapy.com/#practice",
    "name": "Sharon Meyers Therapy",
    "description": "Holistic online individual therapy for adults throughout California, with an office in Berkeley.",
    "url": "https://sharonmeyerstherapy.com",
    "telephone": "(415) 335-7446",
    "email": "sharon@sharonmeyerstherapy.com",
    "priceRange": "$$",
    "address": {
      "@type": "PostalAddress",
      "addressLocality": "Berkeley",
      "addressRegion": "CA",
      "addressCountry": "US"
    },
    "areaServed": {
      "@type": "State",
      "name": "California"
    },
    "availableLanguage": "English",
    "founder": {
      "@type": "Person",
      "name": "Sharon Meyers",
      "honorificSuffix": "LCSW",
      "identifier": "LCSW #106887",
      "jobTitle": "Licensed Clinical Social Worker",
      "url": "https://sharonmeyerstherapy.com/about"
    },
    "employee": {
      "@type": "Person",
      "name": "Sharon Meyers",
      "honorificSuffix": "LCSW",
      "identifier": "LCSW #106887",
      "jobTitle": "Licensed Clinical Social Worker"
    },
    "availableService": [
      {
        "@type": "Service",
        "name": "Grief and Loss Counseling",
        "url": "https://sharonmeyerstherapy.com/specialties/grief-loss"
      },
      {
        "@type": "Service",
        "name": "Narcissistic Abuse Recovery",
        "url": "https://sharonmeyerstherapy.com/specialties/narcissistic-abuse-relationship-trauma"
      },
      {
        "@type": "Service",
        "name": "Relationship Issues, Separation & Divorce",
        "url": "https://sharonmeyerstherapy.com/specialties/separation-divorce-new-beginnings"
      },
      {
        "@type": "Service",
        "name": "Pregnancy, Postpartum and Parenting Challenges",
        "url": "https://sharonmeyerstherapy.com/specialties/parenting-pregnancy-adoption"
      }
    ],
    "serviceType": "Online individual psychotherapy",
    "availableChannel": {
      "@type": "ServiceChannel",
      "serviceUrl": "https://sharonmeyerstherapy.com/begin-here",
      "availableLanguage": "English",
      "serviceLocation": {
        "@type": "VirtualLocation",
        "name": "Online therapy throughout California"
      }
    }
  }
---

[Now accepting new clients.  Book your free consultation today → ](/work-with-me)

[![Sharon Meyers Therapy logo](/assets/logo-sanddollar-B1yhAvCA.png)Sharon Meyers Therapy LCSW #106887 ](/)

[Home](/)[About](/about)

Specialties

[FAQ](/faq)[Blog](/blog)[Contact](/begin-here)

![A wooden garden gate standing half open in a hedge](/assets/setting-boundaries-uKzJ4oVX.jpg)

Therapy for

# Setting Boundaries 

You know the boundary. You have rehearsed it in the shower a dozen times. And the moment arrives and something in you folds, and you agree to the thing you meant to decline.

That is not weakness. It is usually training. If you were raised in a home where other people's comfort was the priority, a boundary does not feel like self-respect. It feels like an attack.

## Why Boundaries Feel Aggressive 

If your early relationships ran on accommodation, your nervous system learned that saying no leads to anger, withdrawal, or punishment. That lesson does not update itself just because you are an adult now.

So when you try to set a limit, your body reacts as if you have started a fight. Heart pounding, voice tightening, the urge to take it back immediately. Many people conclude from that reaction that the boundary must be wrong. It usually means the opposite.

In session we slow this down and separate the discomfort of setting a limit from the danger you were originally avoiding. They are not the same thing, even though they feel identical.

## A Boundary Is Not an Ultimatum 

An ultimatum tries to control what the other person does. A boundary states what you will do. I will not discuss this while you are shouting, so I am stepping out, is a boundary. If you ever shout again we are finished, is an ultimatum.

The difference matters because a real boundary does not require the other person's cooperation, which is exactly why it works. You stop waiting for them to agree before you are allowed to protect yourself.

It also means a boundary is not a negotiation. When you treat it as one, you are asking permission, and people can feel the difference.

## Holding One When Someone Escalates 

The first time you hold a limit with someone who is used to you folding, they will often escalate. Bigger guilt, bigger anger, a sudden crisis that requires exactly the help you just declined. This is common enough that we plan for it.

Escalation is not proof you were wrong. It is usually proof the boundary is new. The relationship is testing whether you meant it.

We build your capacity to stay steady through that window, and we are honest about cost: some relationships only functioned because you had no limits, and those will strain. What replaces them is almost always worth more.

## Related Reading

-   [People-Pleasing Read more → ](/therapy-for/people-pleasing)
-   [Codependency Read more → ](/therapy-for/codependency)
-   [Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents Read more → ](/therapy-for/adult-children-of-narcissists)

Sharon Meyers is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker offering telehealth sessions to adults located anywhere in California.

In Case of Emergency

This website is for informational purposes only. This practice is not a crisis service. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please do not wait for a reply.

-   Call [911](tel:911) or go to your nearest emergency room if you are in immediate danger.
-   Call or text [988](tel:988) to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
-   Text HOME to [741741](sms:741741) to reach the Crisis Text Line.

## A boundary is information about you, not a verdict on them. 

Schedule a free consultation to practice saying it out loud.

[Schedule a Free Consultation](/begin-here)

### Sharon Meyers Therapy

LCSW #106887  
Online therapy throughout California  
Office located in Berkeley, CA

Quick Links

-   [Home](/)
-   [About](/about)
-   [Specialties](/specialties)
-   [FAQ](/faq)
-   [Blog](/blog)
-   [Contact](/begin-here)
-   [Therapy For](/therapy-for)
-   [Online Therapy](/online-therapy)
-   [Guides](/guides)

Contact

-   [(415) 335-7446](tel:4153357446)
-   [sharon@sharonmeyerstherapy.com](mailto:sharon@sharonmeyerstherapy.com)

[Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/sharon-meyers-berkeley-ca/1080260)

**In case of emergency:** call or text [988](tel:988) or go to your nearest emergency room. This website is for informational purposes only.

[Privacy Policy](/privacy)· [Good Faith Estimate](/good-faith-estimate)· [Notice to Clients](/notice-to-clients)

© 2026 Sharon Meyers Therapy · LCSW #106887