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[Now accepting new clients.  Book your free consultation today → ](/work-with-me)

[![Sharon Meyers Therapy logo](/assets/logo-sanddollar-B1yhAvCA.png)Sharon Meyers Therapy LCSW #106887 ](/)

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![A baby carrier, folded cloths and a coffee cup on a sunlit couch](/assets/matrescence-C57E1p2B.jpg)

Therapy for

# Becoming a Mother 

There is a word for what is happening to you that almost nobody uses: matrescence. Like adolescence, it is a full reconstruction of identity, body, and relationships, and like adolescence, it is disorienting even when it is wanted.

Everyone prepared you for the baby. Almost no one prepared you for the person you would have to become, or the person you would have to stop being.

## The Identity Shift Nobody Names 

You used to be a professional, a partner, a friend, a person with interests, and now you are, first and permanently, someone's mother. The promotion of that one identity over all the others happens fast and is rarely discussed as a loss.

It shows up in strange moments. Introducing yourself at a baby group and realizing you described only the baby. Reading an old text thread and not recognizing how freely you used to talk.

Naming the shift matters, because what is unnamed gets interpreted as personal failure rather than what it is: one of the largest transitions of a life, happening largely in private.

## Ambivalence Alongside Love 

You love this baby completely, and you also miss your old life with an ache that feels like betrayal. Both are true, and the belief that a good mother should feel only the first is what makes the second so painful.

Ambivalence is not a warning sign. It is the honest texture of an enormous change, and mothers who are allowed to feel it tend to move through it faster than mothers who spend their energy suppressing it.

This is a room where you can say the unsayable things. They have all been said here before, and none of them have ever meant what you fear they mean.

## Grieving Your Pre-Baby Self Without Regretting the Baby 

The woman who slept in, worked late when the work was interesting, left the house with only keys, and had a mind that finished its own thoughts. She is not dead, but she is not currently in charge, and mourning her is legitimate.

The distinction that frees most mothers is this: grief for your former self is not regret about your child. They feel identical from the inside and they are completely different statements.

We work on that grief directly, and on gradually reintroducing pieces of her into the life you have now, not as it was, but as it can be.

## Related Reading

-   [Postpartum Anxiety Read more → ](/therapy-for/postpartum-anxiety)
-   [Infertility Read more → ](/therapy-for/infertility)
-   [Self-Esteem Read more → ](/therapy-for/self-esteem)

Sharon Meyers is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker offering telehealth sessions to adults located anywhere in California.

In Case of Emergency

This website is for informational purposes only. This practice is not a crisis service. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please do not wait for a reply.

-   Call [911](tel:911) or go to your nearest emergency room if you are in immediate danger.
-   Call or text [988](tel:988) to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
-   Text HOME to [741741](sms:741741) to reach the Crisis Text Line.

## You are allowed to love your baby and miss yourself. 

Schedule a free consultation to talk about both.

[Schedule a Free Consultation](/begin-here)

### Sharon Meyers Therapy

LCSW #106887  
Online therapy throughout California  
Office located in Berkeley, CA

Quick Links

-   [Home](/)
-   [About](/about)
-   [Specialties](/specialties)
-   [FAQ](/faq)
-   [Blog](/blog)
-   [Contact](/begin-here)
-   [Therapy For](/therapy-for)
-   [Online Therapy](/online-therapy)
-   [Guides](/guides)

Contact

-   [(415) 335-7446](tel:4153357446)
-   [sharon@sharonmeyerstherapy.com](mailto:sharon@sharonmeyerstherapy.com)

[Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/sharon-meyers-berkeley-ca/1080260)

**In case of emergency:** call or text [988](tel:988) or go to your nearest emergency room. This website is for informational purposes only.

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© 2026 Sharon Meyers Therapy · LCSW #106887