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Therapy for

# Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents 

You grew up in a house where someone else was always the main character, and your job was to make the performance go smoothly.

Adult children of narcissistic parents often arrive in therapy unable to say what is wrong, only that they have never felt like a person in their own family. That sentence is usually the beginning of the work.

## Growing Up as an Audience 

In a narcissistic household, a child exists in relation to the parent's needs. You are admired when you reflect well on them and corrected, ignored, or punished when you have a need of your own.

So you learn to read the parent instead of yourself. Your achievements became their talking points. Your struggles became their inconvenience. Many adults describe realizing, decades later, that no one ever asked them a question and waited for the real answer.

The lasting effect is a particular emptiness: you can be accomplished, functional, even well liked, and still not feel like you occupy your own life. Therapy is often the first place your inner experience is the actual subject.

## Golden Child, Scapegoat, and What It Did to Your Siblings 

Narcissistic parents rarely treat their children the same. One gets cast as the golden child, an extension of the parent's best self. Another carries the blame for everything wrong in the family. The roles are assigned, not earned, and they can flip without warning.

Both positions cost something. The golden child is loved conditionally, for usefulness. The scapegoat is told, in a hundred ways, that they are the problem, and often believes it well into adulthood.

These roles also poison sibling relationships, sometimes permanently, because each child was given a different family to survive. Part of our work is making sense of that without forcing a reconciliation you do not want.

## Low Contact Without a Clean Ending 

There is no satisfying finale available here. A narcissistic parent is unlikely to hear you, apologize, and change, which means any distance you take will probably be met with denial, rage, or a campaign for sympathy from relatives.

You may also find the guilt is worse than the contact was. Being the one who changed the rules of a family system carries a lonely kind of blame.

We work on choosing a level of contact that protects you, grieving the parent you needed rather than the one you have, and building a tolerance for being misunderstood by people who only ever saw the performance.

## Related Reading

-   [Emotionally Immature Parents Read more → ](/therapy-for/emotionally-immature-parents)
-   [Recovering from Gaslighting Read more → ](/therapy-for/gaslighting)
-   [Setting Boundaries Read more → ](/therapy-for/setting-boundaries)

Sharon Meyers is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker offering telehealth sessions to adults located anywhere in California.

In Case of Emergency

This website is for informational purposes only. This practice is not a crisis service. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please do not wait for a reply.

-   Call [911](tel:911) or go to your nearest emergency room if you are in immediate danger.
-   Call or text [988](tel:988) to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
-   Text HOME to [741741](sms:741741) to reach the Crisis Text Line.

## You were a person the whole time. 

Schedule a free consultation to start from there.

[Schedule a Free Consultation](/begin-here)

### Sharon Meyers Therapy

LCSW #106887  
Online therapy throughout California  
Office located in Berkeley, CA

Quick Links

-   [Home](/)
-   [About](/about)
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-   [FAQ](/faq)
-   [Blog](/blog)
-   [Contact](/begin-here)
-   [Therapy For](/therapy-for)
-   [Online Therapy](/online-therapy)
-   [Guides](/guides)

Contact

-   [(415) 335-7446](tel:4153357446)
-   [sharon@sharonmeyerstherapy.com](mailto:sharon@sharonmeyerstherapy.com)

[Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/sharon-meyers-berkeley-ca/1080260)

**In case of emergency:** call or text [988](tel:988) or go to your nearest emergency room. This website is for informational purposes only.

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